Do you have this “self awareness” about yourself where you think you know who you are? Have you ever been through something, learned, and said, “I will never have to learn that lesson again!”
I am amazed at the lessons God is teaching us both on and off the road. We are coming through a season where we are parked on our pad, in our hometown, and not traveling the road on this huge adventure I had imagined. It has caused me to be anxious and I keep trying to FORCE ways to get back on the road again. I’ve told several people, “Before we sold everything and embarked on this full time journey I was pretty stationary in my home town and not near as engaged in Columbus as I wanted to be. Now ever sense we came home for the holidays, (December), it seems there is more to do in Columbus than I ever imagined.”
What’s up with that?
I find myself feeling uncomfortable. What are my friends thinking? Did I misunderstand what God was saying to me? Am I going to be “stuck” on this pad the rest of my life when I want to be on the road?
That’s where the idea of self awareness comes in…..I thought that I knew two things about myself:
- I love change. It doesn’t bother me, it energizes and excites me.
- I am wholeheartedly sold out to being a servant leader. I am a servant leader!
Here’s the eyeopener! As I was doing my quiet time this morning, sitting on the pad outside my home on wheels in Columbus GA, I read two things:
“When change is hard, I feel self-conscious….”
Who me? The person who loves change? The person who is energized by change? But yes, the current change in my life where we are more stationary than mobile is hard and has made me self-conscious. The voices in my head are not always kind so the lack of change (which is really change for me) is hard!
The second was just a phrase.
“becoming a servant leader”
Honestly as I read those words, the word becoming stood out like a sore thumb. I had never considered that I was “becoming” a servant leader. In my mind, I had already arrived! Ooops! You know, I haven’t arrived at being a servant leader nor have I arrived at my final destination. God is still working on me inside and out. I know where I am this moment in time, but I don’t know what the next second will bring.
The picture today was taken at the top of the Sandia Mountains in Albuquerque NM when we were at the hot air balloon fiesta. When we left our campground it was in the upper 50’s, a long sleeve shirt but no jacket kind of morning. When we arrived at the top of the mountain 45 minutes later, it was FREEZING! The wind was so strong that without the fences I think I would have been blown over the edge. The thermometer said it was 20 something. COLD! We enjoyed the views for about an hour and headed back to our campsite. When we arrived, the jackets had to come off and it was a balmy 60 something again. In the span of 3 hours, my circumstances changed drastically.
The picture reminded me how quickly things can change. It made me thankful to be here, in this moment, serving others as God leads. It made me aware that I am a work in process and just as my environment may change as we travel on this journey, I will change internally as well. And the things that I think I know about myself, will change, as God stretches and molds me into the person He wants me to be. Bring it own! I am ready!